Authored by Sara Bailey, our long-standing collaborator.

Raising children isn’t just about guiding another human being through life—it’s about evolving yourself, too. Parenting doesn’t come with a one-size-fits-all instruction manual, and no two stages look the same. From toddler tantrums to teen rebellion, each chapter demands something different from you, and those demands never really stop. What you can do is show up informed, present, and resilient—qualities that take effort, attention, and ongoing growth to maintain.

Early Years: Building Safety and Trust

In the earliest years—those between birth and about age five—your child is building their sense of security in the world. This stage is less about setting rules and more about creating a foundation they can always return to. The tone you set now becomes the one they’ll carry forward as they test independence later. Your responsiveness teaches them whether or not the world is safe.

• Keep routines consistent. Young children thrive on structure because it helps them understand what to expect and when. Predictability builds their confidence and cuts down on unnecessary meltdowns.
• Encourage exploratory play. Safe freedom is key in this stage. Let them get messy, ask endless questions, and explore without rushing them to outcomes.
• Read everything aloud. It’s not just about literacy. Reading books out loud introduces tone, rhythm, and emotional cues, all of which help with social and cognitive growth.

Elementary Years: Encouraging Independence

By the time your child enters elementary school, they start spending more time away from you and more time with peers and authority figures outside your home. This is when identity starts to form through choices, problem-solving, and new challenges. It’s tempting to hover—but this is the moment to start stepping back just enough to let them grow.

• Give them responsibility. Let them handle tasks appropriate to their age—making lunch, walking the dog, or doing laundry. It builds autonomy and shows you believe in their capability.
• Model personal responsibility. This is a great time to use your own educational and career goals as an example for your children, especially through a flexible online degree. If you’re interested in healthcare, for instance, click for more information.
• Get involved in their interests. Whether it’s Pokémon or piano, showing up for what lights them up builds a bond and shows that their passions matter.

Tween Years: Navigating Big Changes

The tween years (roughly 9–12) bring emotional, cognitive, and physical shifts that can sneak up on both of you. It’s an awkward, in-between stage that asks for a delicate balance of support and space. Your kid is becoming more aware of themselves in relation to others, and your job is to help them like the person they’re becoming.

• Normalize tough conversations. Talk about bodies, relationships, and boundaries before someone else does. It’s less awkward when it’s not a one-time “talk.”
• Teach critical thinking. Help them see both sides of an issue. Encourage questions, not just obedience.
• Model emotional vulnerability. If you’re struggling with something, say so in age-appropriate ways. You’re human too, and they need to see that.

Teenage Years: Respecting the Pushback

Teenagers want freedom, but they also want to know you care enough to set boundaries. This period often comes with more conflict, but behind the eye rolls is someone who still wants guidance—even if they pretend they don’t. It’s a high-stakes phase where trust, communication, and mutual respect matter more than ever.

• Pick your battles. Let the small stuff go so you can focus on the big things like values, safety, and integrity.
• Encourage safe independence. Driving, working, and managing money are good prep for adulthood. Let them try and fail now while the stakes are lower.
• Maintain connection rituals. Even if they act like they don’t want them, regular family dinners or one-on-one time go further than you think.

Young Adulthood: Releasing and Reconnecting

As your child transitions into adulthood, your role shifts again—less director, more consultant. They may move out, make choices you wouldn’t, or even drift away temporarily. It’s a test of everything you’ve built: Did you give them the tools to live on their own terms? This is when you learn to love without control.

• Celebrate their autonomy. Even if they do things differently than you would, let them know you’re proud they’re figuring it out.
• Offer help, not lectures. Be the first call they make, not the one they avoid.
• Respect their boundaries. Don’t expect the same level of access or involvement. Let them redefine the dynamic on adult terms.

Parenting Is a Lifelong Conversation

You never really stop being a parent, even after the last lunch is packed and the last school recital ends. Each age brings its own rhythm, and the job of showing up never quite goes away. But you also never stop learning, adjusting, and becoming a new yourself. The better you know how to support your child through each stage, the more you’ll enjoy watching them unfold—and the more whole you’ll feel as a person doing it.

Discover a wealth of family-focused insights and practical tips at Settle in El Paso, your go-to resource for thriving in the Sun City with ease and joy!